Another life-changing concert, another post. It's been a while.
I am often moved by music in ways that penetrate beyond the sensory and the emotional. The magnitude by which music can move me in the sensory and emotional domains would constitute a life-changing experience in and of itself. But when it comes to life-changing concerts, they are life-changing because I am often rocked in spiritual and existential domains as well. (I have written about such previous experiences here and here.)
As per, this post can continue in one of two ways:
1) With an exploration of my understanding of my burgeoning spirituality and how I am working to reconcile it with empiricism, or
2) With an account of the concert I went to this weekend.
For the third time in a row I will start with 2), as again, it serves as a more gradual jumping-off point.
An Account of the Concert I went to this Weekend
I flew to Austin to see Alcest. The French band has not toured North America since 2014. As I am traveling all of March, and as their Toronto date lands mid-March, I decided to fly to Austin, TX to see Alcest, because they mean that much to me. And because I heard Austin was a cool city (it is).
Alcest's music has been central to my spiritual exploration.
Their music has a way of bringing together apparent opposites in such a profound way. Light/Dark. Beauty/Harshness. Spirit/Substance. Angelic layered guitars and voices/Black metal screams and blastbeats.
The project was created as a way for frontman, Neige (aka Stéphane Paut) to process and reflect on a spiritual experience he had as a child. So the spiritual components of the music are very apparent.
I brought my friend Shae to Austin and to the show. She had never heard the band before and wanted to go in completely without expectations.
The show was phenomenal. The music is indescribably beautiful, with slashes of darker, heavier elements throughout. The choral vocals evoke angels, the layered guitars add to the feeling of soaring, and the bombastic drum and bass elements hold everything together and inject incredible energy. What should feel frantic feels grounded. What should feel frenetic feels intentional.
The lyrical themes, largely sung in French, have to do with nature, grief, loss, time, death, and spirit. They touch darkness without ever succumbing to it. They couch themselves in the finiteness of life without ever turning towards the despair that can seem so inevitable in the exploration of such topics.
Needless to say, the music means a lot to me. And it clearly meant so much to the crowd, too. Many of us were crying at times, holding onto one another, or just mesmerized and taken away. Shae and I were going to go out dancing after but both opted not to. We needed time to process what we had just experienced.
Part of the reason I appreciate this band's music so much is because I feel that they approach topics and questions surrounding spirituality in a way that deeply resonates with me. It is curious, and never parochial. It is grounded in experiences of Nature and the feelings that can be engendered by observing cranes in flight at dawn. Spirit is deeply connected to wonder, and while it may be otherworldly, it is deeply rooted in experiences that are of this world. The music approaches themes of death and loss in a deeply existential way; In that the observation of the passage of time and the inevitability of loss can create a sense of purpose and wonder, rather than a sense of despair. This is something that I try to cultivate in myself as much as I possibly can.
Reconciling Empiricism and Spirituality
Both of my parents had religious trauma and were refugees. I was raised an atheist and grew up with quite negative feelings towards religion, especially organized religion. Spirituality was never a question or even an option for me. I grew up with a rather scientific and empirical worldview; That the things we can observe are what constitutes reality. That magic does not exist. That the spirit does not exist. After we die, we rot, and that's that. Spirit is something that was invented either to A) Assuage our fears of mortality, and/or B) To control us through organized religion.
As I have been getting older, my feelings around Spirit, or something like it, have changed.
So what has changed for me? There are a number of angles I wish to explore here, and they are all connected.
Death Becoming Real
A large part of me wonders if it's just because, as 35 approaches, death is becoming more real, and I am inventing something to take the sting out of it. (I wrote a song about this very thing, it's called Foxhole). Part of it could have also been losing my mom in 2015, or losing one of my best friends, Taylor, two years ago. Either way, death is more real now to me than it ever has been.
Psychedelics
It also could be that I have relatively recently discovered psychedelics, and am a big believer in their therapeutic and healing potential. What's very interesting to me is that the depth of the mystical experience engendered by the psychedelic experience appears to be a predictor of lasting health outcomes, according to a number of studies. I have had several mystical experiences under the influence of psychedelics, in both recreational and therapeutic contexts. In the therapeutic contexts especially, I have been able to experience what it would be like to die, and have had feelings of communing with those who have died, and have found this to be extremely comforting and healing.
Indigenous Ontologies
I don't think you can talk about psychedelics/plant medicines without talking about Indigenous ontologies or worldviews that include communion with these sacramental substances. Indigenous worldviews differ from group to group of course, but many largely centralize the concept that we, as humans, are part of nature, and part of the earth, rather than being superlative or external to it. And that psychedelic plant medicines are ways of opening up ourselves to the wisdom of Nature, the Earth, the Universe, and even the Gods.
Being a Part of Nature, and not Superlative to It
My experiences with psychedelics, and my (admittedly, limited) exploration of various Indigenous worldviews (through reading, conversation, and community) have been central to the development of the conviction (or perhaps, remembering) that I am part of Nature, and not separate from or superlative to it. I have experiences now that remind me of the magic that I felt as a child. I can look at a leaf, or a bird, or feel the sun on my face, in ways that evoke a childlike wonder that I thought I had lost. Furthermore, I have an at-home-ness now in nature that I don't think I have ever had. I feel cradled by the world more than I ever have. As such, the dissolution of my body to be re-used by the mycelial network doesn't scare me as much as it used to.
Teleology
Nature has an intelligence to it. I don't mean intelligence in the way that a human has intelligence. But I mean in the way that a tree knows how to grow, that the tree is in the seed. I am reminded of the Aristotlean concept of Telelogy, where everything in nature has an ingrained purpose, or telos. The telos of the acorn is to become the tree, without external direction.
Inner Healing Intelligence
This dovetails with the idea of the inner healing intelligence, an idea often discussed in therapeutic psychedelic circles. When we cut our skin, as long as we create the conditions for healing, we don't have to tell our skin to heal. The body knows what to do. The idea is that psychological or traumatic wounds also follow this telos, to borrow a term. We have an inclination towards healing, and it's largely the conditions for healing that need to be met in order to allow the inner healing intelligence to do its work.
The Theory of Everything
Speaking of intelligent systems, isn't it amazing that physicists and other scientists have already found ways to reconcile three of the four fundamental forces in the universe (electromagnetism, the weak nuclear force, and the strong nuclear force)? Isn't it amazing that there's just one outlier, gravity, and that scientists believe that a Theory of Everything could potentially exist wherein all four fundamental forces could be explained in one framework? I don't believe in a Creator but when you look at stuff like this, you can really see how one may be persuaded. The Universe has an Intelligent Organization even if it doesn't have Intelligent Design.
I think a redefinition of what constitutes Intelligence may be helpful in chewing on the concept of Intelligent Organization.
System 1 and System 2 Cognition
I am reminded of Kahenman (2011)'s model of consciousness that outlines the difference and interaction between System 1 and System 2 cognition. System 1 is governed by evolutionarily deep/old structures, such as the HPA axis and the limbic system, and largely constitutes Interactional Intelligence. System 2 by contrast is governed by evolutionarily new structures in the cortex and largely constitutes Computational Intelligence.
My belief is that the Earth, and maybe even the Universe, have System 1 Intelligence. The Earth certainly has Interactional Intelligence. Trees on the other side of a forest will start reacting to a forest fire kilometers away due to chemical messages sent through mycelial networks.
The earth (and the universe) may not have System 2 intelligence like we do, but it doesn't mean they don't have intelligence.
Pulling it All Together
What is my spirituality? I believe that
1) We are not superlative to nature, but part of it
2) Nature, the earth (and maybe even the universe) have System 1 Intelligence (examples of this being teleology, the inner healing intelligence, many physical forces hanging together, and the way nature is)
3) We are a part of this intelligent system
Therefore: Spirituality is just the being-in-touchness with these above facts, in a way that is engendered by subjective feelings of wonder, meaningfulness, at-homeness, and belonging.
There is a reason why these elements are revealed to us (with a subjective level of ontological realness) in moments like concerts, communion with nature, meditation, engaging in psychedelic healing, etc... These are moments that are rife with sinking into the Interactional Intelligence that we share with planet earth. We are able to, in these moments, divest ourselves of thoughts of ego, money, planning, success, or other factors (Having factors) and just be in touch with what is happening in the moment (Being factors). We can divest ourselves of the Computationally Intelligent aspects that (while central to modern human existence) separate us from being a part of the Interactionally Intelligent system of the earth and universe.
When I started this blog years ago, I didn't understand dialectic as well as I do now. Looking back, I see that 90% of the entries on this blog take the form of a dialectic.
A dialectic is a living process and is rarely (if ever) done. As such, this direction of thought (i.e. reconciling empiricism with my burgeoning spirituality) is a living process. I am just starting to form and digest these thoughts, and I am grateful to Alcest and the concert I went to this past weekend for helping shake some of these ideas loose. Hopefully they landed in a way that is at least somewhat coherent. I thank you for following along with me, if you have thus far.