don't fall asleep

So school is very busy. And it will only get busier. For the most part I am deeply enjoying what I am studying. And it is very invigorating to be around so many bright young people.

Everyone I talk to about the issue says that I am getting closer to achieving my dreams. They tell me to keep working hard and keep believing that I can. Yet I can't help but feel some days that I am inching my way forward at best. 

I have such lofty ambitions for myself. And there's always the eternal question: Could I be doing more? The eternal answer: Of course. You always could. You could study more. Read all of the 'suggested' readings as well as the 'required' readings. Sign up for more committees. Sacrifice your social life. Sleep less. 

Where do I draw the line? How do I know when to stop pushing myself? Does trying your best to reach your dreams account for any downtime? If I spend time relaxing does it mean I'm not trying my best? If not, what is the golden ratio of exertion and relaxation?

In other news, I was falling asleep in a writing workshop the other day (not due to lack of interest, just exhaustion, I have not been sleeping well) and I started writing a stream of consciousness piece to keep myself awake. It's unedited save for the line spacing. I thought I'd share it with you.

don't fall asleep don't fall asleep don't fall asleep

stream of consciousness stream of pen fume of mood room of blood
brood of humans the human few the human crew developed people out of womb 

from the womb to the tomb eyes awake to drink the gloom 

purple shroom blue moon i am crooning at the moon 

i am crying at the sky i am keeping open eyes pry them open with my mind

keep them open with the time time is flowing through my life 

i am sleeping in the sky i am snoring on the tide ocean waves inside my brain

footprints on a sandy spine sandy beach and golden wine laughter sunlight and the tide

breathing deeply in the sand keeping glass inside my hand

crushing sand to make it glass crushing memories of the past

frame the picture in your head name the creature in your bed

using pain to stay awake using shame to feel alive

using blame to dry my eyes using noise to bide my time