moving in and out of each others' lives

Are you lucky if you're one of those people who loves their job?

I was one of those people until about six hours ago. It still hasn't hit me that I'm not going back.

It's baffling to think about how freely we move in and out of each others' lives, all of us. I often think about people I knew and loved in the past, and I wonder, what are they doing? how are they feeling? who are they now? We change in so many fundamental ways throughout the course of our lives and yet somehow maintain a tenuous yet unrelenting grasp on this thing called identity. I wonder if this nebulous nature of self is what contributes most to the flux of our relationships.

Am I who I was this morning, even?

In my work, I have had the privilege of having had some sort of positive influence in the lives of young people, people whose lives were, up until today, very much intertwined with my own. People who I saw every week, nearly every day. People who I will not likely see again. Exeunt. 

I think back to my own recovery process, and the supporters who have moved in and out of my life throughout. I always will carry pieces of them inside of me, pieces of their wisdom deep in the folds of my brain and channels of my heart. I only hope that I have been able to leave seeds of compassion, enthusiasm, and hope in the minds of those with whom I worked.

Their cards and messages bring tears to my eyes, happy tears and sad. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to touch peoples' lives, even in a small way. And while everyone seems to have faith in my success in my next endeavour, I am not so sure.

What lies ahead for me? Will it be as fulfilling? Am I unrealistic to want it to be more fulfilling? Will I be able to encompass more of my desires in my next move? Will I be satisfied with anything less? Why do I feel so uncertain?